Take a Picture

What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to be?

These are questions I can't answer, but I am falling back into some of my passions, some of my creative side projects. I have loved writing since I was a small child, and I fell hard into photography a few years back. I'm not saying I am going to quit my job and try to make it as a photographer, but I am leaning in to my hobbies and making space for things I love.

The obsession with needing to make money for something to be worth our time is a sign of rot in our society, like dry rot in the foundation. Something we need to fix, even if it is hard, expensive, and takes time. That said, I am not turning this post into a rant against our current version of late-stage capitalism, although I do have a lot of thoughts on the subject. Maybe another day.

What I do want to say is that I have this ridiculous expectation of myself to be good at the things I am interested in right away, without always putting in the effort. I fling myself at these things, and get frustrated when I am not a natural. I don't exactly know why, maybe because school came pretty easy to me when I was younger. But for things like writing, climbing, running, and photography, it takes time and practice. You have to work at it. Get stronger, find your voice, find something you want to say, and say it. In some ways, climbing taught me this. You have to learn technique and strength. And the same is sort of true in photography and writing. I had partially abandoned these hobbies due to fear of failing.

The thing about failure is that it is natural. It is how you learn. Although it is not the only way to learn. You can also study, practice, and learn from others. Obviously with covid, in-person learning is trickier. I had actually been scheduled for a photography class in March, just as covid shut everything down. So now I am in a few online outdoor photography communities, learning about composition, framing, use of light, exposure, and finding your visual flow.

I have a few outdoor adventures coming up, and plan on testing this new learning out on the trails. I'm actually feeling inspired, as much as one can during pandemic times. I guess I am choosing optimism. Choosing to believe that we will get through this and that there will be time for dreaming again. Maybe I am energized by my city passing a new mask bylaw this week. If we can get this under control, we can have a future again. I am putting some faith in science to find a vaccine. It might not last, but I have a little bit of optimism today, so I'm holding on to that.

Before the pandemic derailed everything, I was exploring options on new places to explore, maybe to try living somewhere else. Now things are on hold on that front. I have a little bit of time to explore some hobbies (particularly ones that can be done without crowds). I'm hoping to learn more technique, and explore the beautiful world of landscape photography more over the next little while. I'm trying to pace myself and not expect to be naturally talented. I'm not good at being patient with myself. Life has knocked me down a few times to try to teach me that lesson, but I can be a little hard-headed.

So here we go. Another step in a long line of steps to figuring out who I am and how I want to live. Anyone else in to photography and want to nerd out about it? Let me know! Also, if you're interested, check out my photo page: https://www.flickr.com/photos/playitasitlays7/