What's Next?

What do you want to do with your life?

There is a question that I have never been able to answer. Not at any point in my life. As a kid, I had lots of options available, because they all seemed interesting and vaguely possible, but I was not one of those kids who was ever certain. By the time high school rolled around, that question was asked more frequently. And I still had no idea. I did know I wanted a BA. I guess I liked the idea of critical thinking being rewarded with a liberal arts degree.

The university, where everyone asks that question all the time. I still had no idea, although I came up with all the right answers that made me look like I had it together, although on the inside, I was completely falling apart. I got my degree in 2009, and I still can't answer the question.

These days, I sometimes get asked what I thought I would do when I decided on my major. I didn't know, and I still don't. I still love Political Science and Human Rights, but I'm not sure what that means for me professionally. I also love hiking, reading, photography, camping, forests, and so many other interests. I have found things to like about every job I have ever had, but none have ever felt quite right.

Current I work as an ophthalmic technician. I had no plans to end up doing this, I literally stumbled into it. Just like everything else. I feel like every job I have had has happened sort of randomly. Sometimes I was actively trying for something else. 

I don't exactly have any regrets about these random paths I have taken, but none of it feels planned. None of it feels like a "career path." I guess I used to think I would end up "being" a defined thing professionally, and I really haven't. What I am is who I am. I live my life with the freedom and knowledge that I can change it when I need to. Because I have already done so a few times. Sometimes I feel trapped by circumstance, but I know how to pick up and try something different.

So maybe there isn't one big thing I am going to do. Maybe I will keep doing smaller things, and have the big things happen outside of my work life. Or maybe I will find the right thing. I have some ideas for once the pandemic is a little bit behind us. I still have a lot of things I was to experience, places to see, new skills to try to hone. I have not settled, not yet. And maybe this is not the easiest way to be, but when have I ever done anything the easy way?